What to Do When You Drop the Networking Ball

Question: As I’m navigating networking in the private sector, it seems I’ve already made a big mistake. I was given an email introduction to a valuable contact, and I forgot to follow up. Three weeks passed before I realized I never emailed the new contact, and now it feels too late. Did I ruin the networking relationship with the person who offered the introduction? Anything I can do?

Answer: Networking in the civilian private sector is nuanced, for sure. There are unwritten rules that need to be followed, and one of them is to follow up. I appreciate that you recognize that you may have hurt your relationship with your contact, and there are things you can do to remedy the situation.

Networking Basics

There’s a “dance” to networking that’s understood by most civilians, and frequently not explained to transitioning service members.

1. Clarity

It’s important to be clear about what you can offer and how someone can help you. Otherwise, you can end up with a lot of unproductive and frustrating meetings. If you’re looking for a job, for example, you might need introductions, insights and coaching. 

Also, be clear about what you can offer that’s of value to others. Can you provide any introductions? Are you able to share insights into your military or civilian career that would be helpful? Even a “thank you” from a networking contact is considered of value to someone who might not receive much appreciation in their work.

2. Reciprocity

When we decide to (and then pursue) a professional networking relationship, both of us must receive something of value. I might help you with introductions to your ideal client or employer, and you might return the favor by mentioning my helpfulness on social media, raising my credibility. Reciprocity is paramount in networking.

3. Long game

Networking is not about quick wins. Set your expectations to see the long-term value from a contact. Some connections take time to return real benefits, and investing in them is certainly worthwhile. As you attend networking events, connect with people online, receive networking referrals and consider the goal to be long-term professional benefit instead of quick results.

Repairing the Situation

In the case where you’re networking with someone with whom you see clearly the potential benefit and value, where you’re reciprocating in ways they find beneficial, and you see the long-term value of the connection, mistakes can still happen. Perhaps you shared confidential information, broke their trust or failed to fulfill a promise.

If you damage the relationship — in this case, forgetting to follow up on an introduction — here are some steps to take to make amends and try to repair it:

1. Regardless of how much time has passed since you made the mistake, acknowledge it with the person who offered you the introduction. Let them know you realized you forgot to follow up (don’t wait for them to ask you).
    
2. Apologize sincerely. Don’t overdo it, but make sure your apology is either in person, by phone or (lastly) by email. Acknowledge your mistake and take accountability. Make no excuses unless really warranted: For instance, if you had a family emergency, were very sick or otherwise tried to follow up but couldn’t, you could mention that. Forgetting is not a valid excuse.
    
3. Act quickly to reach out to the new contact. Be sure to act on the initial introduction. You don’t need to mention the reason for your lapse but acknowledge the generosity of the person offering the introduction and share heartfelt enthusiasm for speaking with the new contact.
    
4. Let your networking contact know that this mistake is not indicative of who you are and your regard for the value of your professional relationships, and that you hope to be given the chance to prove that to them.

In some cases, your networking contact may feel hurt and uncertain about offering you future introductions or support. That’s their prerogative. If you are given more opportunities through them, be sure never to let a mistake happen again as you rebuild their trust.

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