How to Prepare a Thanksgiving Meal When You’re the Only One Left in the Barracks

The holiday season for junior enlisted service members usually means a mass exodus from the barracks and dormitories.

For the chosen few who get left behind, either because their duties call for it or because they don’t have enough leave, it can be a pretty depressing time. Not only can junior enlisted housing prove unnervingly quiet and desolate during the holiday season, but the “traditional” Thanksgiving dinner prepared by the base dining facility can feel more like an oversized school lunch than home away from home.

Just because you’re the only one in the barracks doesn’t mean you can’t make a decent Thanksgiving meal for yourself. Pretty much everything involved in making traditional Thanksgiving dishes is easy, cheap and can be prepped during the first half of the Detroit Lions game so it’s ready for consumption before the final down.

Here’s how to make such a meal – using just a toaster oven, microwave and electric kettle – when you’re the only one left in the barracks.

Turkey

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t actually have to buy an entire 26-pound turkey to have turkey on Thanksgiving. Many base commissaries sell both smoked turkey legs and fresh turkey drumsticks. Smoked turkey legs are already partially cooked, and you can microwave them on high until the internal temperature is 165 degrees.

• For fresh turkey, just pat the turkey pieces dry with a paper towel and then rub them down with any dry seasoning you want or have available. This guy even brined his turkey legs.
• Set a toaster oven to 350 degrees.
• Cook the drumsticks for an hour and check the internal temperature to see if they’re done. Depending on the size of the turkey legs, it shouldn’t take more than an hour and a half.

Dressing

For the uninitiated, “dressing” and “stuffing” are the same thing: the former refers to when it’s cooked outside of the turkey, while the latter refers to when it’s cooked inside.

You could just buy instant stuffing from a box and prepare with an electric kettle in less than 10 minutes, but if you’re looking for something that has a homemade feel, don’t worry. The recipe is literally just bread, onions, celery and chicken or turkey stock (raisins belong in the trash, not your dressing).

• Set a loaf of bread out the night before Thanksgiving so it’s nice and stale, then cut it up into squares.
• Chop the onions and celery into bite-sized bits.
• Melt some butter in a small, disposable loaf pan (preferably using a hotplate and not the microwave). It doesn’t matter how much butter, you really can’t go wrong and no one is practicing moderation today.
• Add your veggies and bread to the pan with some seasoning (most recipes call for poultry seasoning, but whatever you have will work). Add enough vegetables to make you feel good about eating a loaf of turkey-flavored bread.
• Mix it all together with enough stock to moisten the bread but not make it soggy. If you accidentally add too much stock, add more bread.
• Bake it in the toaster oven until the top gets crispy.

Green Bean Casserole

Why would you do this to yourself? Isn’t it hard enough to be away from home during the holidays? Now you want to inflict this upon yourself? Whatever. Green bean casserole is just green beans, condensed cream of mushroom soup, salt, milk and fried onions.

• Mix it all in a different disposable loaf pan and bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes, until it’s bubbly.
• Throw some more onions on top of it and bake again until they’re crispy.
• Let it sit untouched for the rest of the day because you’re better than this.

Mashed Potatoes

If you’re too good for instant potatoes, you can cook these in an electric kettle. Don’t just boil water and pour it over a bowl of diced potatoes, you’re trying to get them to soften up, and that just won’t work.

• Chop up a potato and boil it in there until the pieces are soft, usually around five minutes for each potato. Do this for as many potatoes as you want.
• Remove the potato pieces and mash them with whatever might be handy. I don’t know… a rock or something.
• Add milk, butter, salt and pepper to match your desired taste and consistency. You’re going for a blend that won’t mix with the gravy, so be wary of adding too much milk. If you do, you’ll have to boil another potato and mash it in. 

Turkey Gravy

Two turkey drumsticks aren’t going to provide a lot of drippings. We recommend getting a jar of turkey gravy. Your mom had one or two as a backup anyway, so it’ll probably be just like eating Thanksgiving dinner back home.

Sweet Potato Casserole

Sweet potato casserole is the only recipe that calls for both sugar and toasted marshmallows that we still somehow consider a valid dinner side dish. Luckily, it’s really easy to make.

• Cut up a sweet potato and boil the pieces in an electric kettle, just like you did with the regular potatoes.
• Mix with a combination of brown sugar, maple syrup, cinnamon and, of course, butter. You’re the one who has to eat this, so I’m not going to tell you how sweet to make it. I just know some of you out there hydrate before PT with Sprite.
• Add them to another one of your trusty disposable loaf pans, line the top with marshmallows and bake them in the toaster oven until they’re brown.
• Stop before they catch fire.

Cranberry Sauce

Just pop open a can of the stuff. Admit it: the best cranberry sauce at any Thanksgiving dinner is usually can-shaped anyway.

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