Braxton Taylor
Skepticism. Mistrust. Fake news. Hoaxes. “Smoke and mirrors.” Clickbait. With all the misrepresentation and misleading information around us, it’s no wonder we might mistrust what we’re told. While most people freely talk about their skepticism toward media, politics and science at home, the mistrust of our institutions is also starting to show up at work.
When we don’t feel our boss is forthcoming about layoffs, we distrust their leadership. When our colleague fails to complete deliverables on a project, we challenge their commitment to their work. When our direct report speaks negatively about our management style behind our back, we doubt their loyalty. Mistrust is one of the most toxic and unhealthy environments in which to thrive, personally and professionally.
What Does ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ Mean?
It’s easy to tell someone you have their back, that you believe in them or that you’ll help them when times get tough. It’s simple to say, “If you need anything, just let me know” when someone you care about is struggling. But when you fail to do what you promised, precious trust is eroded.
Pressure is mounting across all industries, companies and jobs today to back up promises, commitments and honor what’s offered. The military certainly taught you how important it is to honor what you say and commit to, but in the civilian world, we are starting to see employees pressing for action from leaders who claim one thing, but whose actions show another.
Here is how the phrase “show, don’t’ tell” is used in a few environments:
- In business, we might back up claims in a “show, don’t tell” fashion. For example, instead of insisting customers love our product, we would demonstrate specific instances where our product delighted customers, leading to increased sales and customer loyalty.
- In leadership, we ask our bosses to tell us what they stand for, and then back that up by living in alignment with their vision and values. We press for proof that what they say is what they mean by looking for evidence of consistency.
- In storytelling or writing, “show, don’t tell” refers to how important characters demonstrate the qualities that are assigned to them and grow their value to the plotline.
How to Show Our Intentions
The challenge with making promises or grand statements is that no one besides you can know what you mean to say. I can hear the words you’re saying and feel the impact of your statement, but I can’t know if your motivation is aligned with your action unless you tell me. Only you can know what you hoped or meant to do, and whether it happened or not.
As such, when you make a promise and fail to uphold it, I can’t know what that means for you. I only experience the impact of failed expectations on me and my work.
Does that mean we should stop making promises and setting expectations? Of course not. But we should become mindful that our words only carry so much weight. Our words, matched with our actions, build trust and empower others to rely on us. For example, if I tell you that honesty matters to me and you see me speak with candor to my colleagues, direct reports, boss and others, you begin to trust that when I advocate for honesty. You know I mean it. When we tell people what’s important to us, and then they see that we live accordingly, they trust.
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