Braxton Taylor
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If you’ve served in the U.S. military, you probably know at least one fellow service member or veteran who is extremely motivated, or “moto” – freakishly enthusiastic about their military service, usually at the expense of their common sense.
They’re the definition of gung-ho, someone who makes the military a part of their identity and is maybe even a bit belligerent about it at times. They are often the obnoxious geardo or knife guy in your unit, the overzealous lieutenant fresh out of a service academy, the airman who volunteers for everything – and, at times, the source of an update to the safety brief when their excitement inevitably boils over into bad decisions. In other words, they are the backbone of the U.S. military, and they deserve your thanks for their service.
So what do you get for this uniquely batsh– … uh, intense person in your life? Probably something equally intense, unless you want to spring for field gear they’ll actually use.. Below, you’ll find a list of potential gifts sure to satisfy the most moto person you know – or, you know, yourself.
Crack a cold one with a cool, metallic reminder that you do war stuff. If that’s too big and unwieldy, the “little green Army men” keychain opener is a good alternative.
The sound quality will blow you away.
If your moto friend is anything like mine, you just know he has a ton of challenge coins floating around.
The perfect vessel for your favorite veteran-made whiskey (we recommend Hooten Young American Whiskey from retired Army Master Sgt. Norm Hooten of Operation Gothic Serpent fame).
What’s this? A freaking book?! This isn’t just any book; it’s a visual exploration of 80 maps detailing famous battles from ancient, medieval and modern times. It’s the perfect coffee table piece for even the most unfancy of friends – assuming they even own a coffee table.
This is probably the only instance where alcohol and firearms actually mix. And yes, there’s an AK-pattern version available as well.
These are available for the Army, Marine Corps, Navy, Air Force and even the Coast Guard (sorry, Space Force). Unfortunately, you are only allowed to drink Black Rifle coffee out of it.
You know, for beer.
You know, for liquor.
This purportedly “smells like freedom,” so we’ll assume that means cordite and burning plastic.
Why settle for the smell of freedom when you can literally wrap yourself in it?
Everyone in uniform could use an extra multitool, and Military.com readers tend to prefer Gerber over Leatherman. Just don’t fall for some cheap dreck at the base exchange.
Now, socks may sound like a lame gift, but Darn Tough is beloved among U.S. service members as the most comfortable, durable and long-lasting option for a military environment.
For when you have a bender at 5 but have to fight ISIS at 10.
Perfect for the knife guy in your unit, if he doesn’t already have one (there’s also our list of the best pocket knives to choose from).
Because nothing says “I served in the Global War on Terror” like the (un)official watch of the post-9/11 forever wars.
Are tactical pens bullshit? Not necessarily.
Perfect for the bodybuilder squadmate who can flip a truck but is considered “obese” due to his BMI.
Don’t laugh, tactical fanny packs are absolutely a thing. Besides, if it’s good enough for U.S. special operations forces, it’s good enough for you.
Tabasco may have been a fixture of every US military conflict since World War II, but The General’s Hot Sauce is actually worth trying.
Cavalry tested and cavalry approved.
All you need is an armed Cybertruck in a Warthog wrap and you’re all set.
Just in time for the War on Christmas.
If anything can be tactical, why not cleanliness? See also: Dude Wipes.
Please do not actually buy this.
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