Ask, Tell, Make

I would bet that at some point in your life you have asked a child or a pet to stop doing something and they did not listen, so you had to escalate your commands.

Here are two examples that I think many of you can probably relate to.

 “Alex, can you please pick up your toys and put them in the basket?”

Child: Did not listen when you asked politely.

Since they ignored your first “ask”, you now get a little spicier and tell them “Alex, I told you to put your toys in the basket”. If ignored twice you know that harsher tone and even a little more may be coming up next.

You now know that you must get their attention and make them put their toys away, so you lower the tone your voice, get louder, use fewer words and say “ALEX, PUT YOUR TOYS UP NOW!” and move towards the next steps.

This can also translate to your puppy.

“Ronin, what’s in your mount? Drop it”

Ronin: Nothing.

“RONIN, Drop it. Drop it”

 Ronin: Nothing.

At this point, you move towards your puppy yelling “RONIN! GIVE ME THAT! DROP IT!” as you open their mouth and remove the object that could cause injury if swallowed. 

This can easily translate to verbal communication or verbal escalation when you need to communicate with a person that is presenting as a “non-lethal threat”.

Introducing William Aprill

First, I would like to introduce William Aprill on a personal level. William was a friend. He was funny, witty, loyal and loved to laugh. William traveled through Atlanta so often that when he called, I knew that usually meant that we were meeting somewhere for lunch or dinner on this travel day. He was also a “foodie”. He loved good food, canning pickles and cooking. I made him what I called Adult Chili during one of his visits. He loved it so much that he insisted that I make it whenever he was in town. The name was officially changed to “William’s Chili” in 2017. He loved to support his friends, loved my Image Based Decisional Drills concept, and picked 8 images so he could have a “William Aprill Expansion pack”.  He loved his friends fiercely and we all knew it. Missing you still.  

Now it’s time to introduce you to William on a professional level. Pull up a chair, this may take a while. William was a competitive shooter, licensed mental health professional, high level educator and one of the most brilliant minds that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. William was a former deputy sheriff and Special Duty US Marshal that specialized in educating the community about violent criminals, their decisions, their perspectives, their backgrounds and their mindsets. All the while, he was also educating US to look for cues, means to avoid, and to use this knowledge to build a solid mindset that can be used in self-protection.

One of my favorite teachings from William was his “Ask, Tell and Make” series.

William says that the “blitz” attack is not that common, and it’s more like an interview. The bad guy starts at a distance and starts asking your questions like “Can I have a light?”.He really does not need a light, he is walking towards you and interviewing you for the job of a victim. You don’t want that job; your job is assertive action and to stay in control of the situation. Once you think you are chosen, William encourages you to pay attention to that person and prepare for verbal interaction for you control them. William calls this style of verbal escalation “Ask, tell, and Make.”

Be friendly, use your hands to animate “stop” and ask, “Hey, could you hold up right there?” If this person had no criminal intent, they would probably stop. If they ask you a question, you can be friendly, use your hands to animate “Stop” and say, “I am sorry I don’t” or “I am sorry I can’t.” Same deal, if they listen and respect your first “No,” then they may not be looking for someone vulnerable. If they ignore your “No,” we escalate our next verbal command.

We are not friendly now. We now move quickly into the Tell stage. We use our hands in large unfriendly “stop” gestures, our face is unfriendly, and our voice is unfriendly. We say, “Stop now.”  If he ignores Ask and Tell, that means he is failing to stop and time to escalate once again.

Time is of the essence. We do not keep repeating our Ask or our Tell. If you do this, it will lose its power.

This is now “make them stop” time. Make is usually a verbal command and an action combined, like “GET AWAY FROM ME!” while doing something. Do you have pre-need decisions in place so you can be explosive? Have you trained in different non-lethal, less than lethal and lethal tools? Have you practiced drawing to a “low ready position” and have another set of verbal commands ready? Are you capable of running? Are you prepared for a full-on fist fight or ground fight? Your ability to make them stop all depends on what you are efficient in.

Do you know what CYA means? Nope, not what you thought! It means “Can You Articulate?”  You may have to explain your actions to the police so articulating that there are three verbal escalation steps that you practice so you can judge if a person means you harm.  Was your ask them to leave you alone ignored? Your TELL them to leave you alone ignored? Then you MAKE them leave you alone.

Remember, you have been using the ask, tell and make series for years with your kids, dogs, and whatnot, so do not be intimidated because you would be using them on a stranger. Practice these three steps so much that the words just fly out of your mouth.

I would like to thank William for everything that he has contributed to our education over the many years of sharing. ASK, TELL and MAKE is just the tip of the iceberg that is William Aprill and the knowledge that he has provided to the self-defense community.