Why Won’t the Contacts in Your Network Help You Find a Civilian Job?

You’ve heard about the importance of networking. How your network is your “sales force,” identifying opportunities for you in conversations you’re not privy to. Then why isn’t your network returning job leads?

This question came to me recently from a Navy veteran. We’ll call him “Bob” here. He asked, “I am networking like crazy these days, reaching out to strangers, who share a military past, asking for help. Some let me pick their brains, others offer to review my resume, but no one has walked me into a job opening. Why aren’t they willing to do that?”

To help him, Bob and I started by reviewing some networking fundamentals, including:

Your network is a mutually beneficial professional relationship. This means they get something of value, and you do as well. If you’re the only one getting value, then your networking efforts aren’t working as well as they could.

Your networking efforts must be consistent. If you only reach out when you need something (help, insight, referrals, a job) and neglect to stay in touch at other times, your network can get exhausted from the asks.

Read More: 5 Steps to Start Your Civilian Networking Strategy

Networking requires authenticity. Are you showing up as a real, genuine person or as a job seeking machine on a mission? One is appealing, the other is unnatural.

Are you seeking ways to help those in your network? Do you send them leads, information or things of interest to them to show that you care about the relationship?

With these fundamentals reviewed, Bob realized he’d gone about networking wrong:

He’d asked for meetings to “catch up” then launched into a sales pitch on why he was a good job candidate. He asked for introductions to hiring professionals. This created a bait-and-switch in the minds of the people who’d spoken with him, and they became reluctant to want to help.

He only reached out when things got scary. When he was busy interviewing for jobs and sending resumes, he left his network to the side. When the activity dried up, he aggressively went after his networking contacts for leads and help.

He’d gained introductions to new contacts (leads) through his network. Initially, his network was generous in giving names of people Bob should talk to, particularly other prior military personnel. This seemed to make the networking expansion easy for him. But he failed to follow up on some of those leads and referrals. In other cases, he didn’t make a great impression because he was in the trough of dismal activity and feeling desperate. This poor impression would get back to his networking contact, and their willingness to continue to provide him with referrals slowly stopped.

Overall, Bob admitted he’d used his network more as something that served him when he needed it and neglected it when things were busy. He saw this mistake and agreed to remedy the relationships.

How to Mend the Relationships

To repair his networking mistakes, Bob acted.

He started with genuine, heartfelt appreciation. He sent each person a handwritten note letting them know specifically how they’d helped him, what he’d learned through their interactions, and how much he valued them. Then, he admitted that he’d not been as focused on serving them, and he committed to fixing that.

Bob created a dynamic spreadsheet to track and monitor his networking interactions. He tracked who he wrote to, whether they replied, if another meeting was scheduled, and topics he’d bring up in that conversation. He turned the focus off himself and onto them. Inevitably in the meeting, his contact would ask about his job search, and Bob was upbeat, clear, and confident, and not aggressive.

He listened for ways he could help his network. He became so good at this that his networking contacts inevitably began pressing him on how they could help him to keep the relationship balanced!

Read More: Why You Didn’t Get the Job: Understanding How Companies Hire

Networking isn’t about collecting contacts or asking for favors. It’s about building trust over time. Your network isn’t intentionally withholding opportunities from you; they’re responding to how you’ve shown up in the relationship.

When you shift from “Who can help me?” to “How can I show up consistently, credibly and with value?” everything changes. Opportunities don’t come from pressure or persistence alone. They come from people who trust you, believe in you, and want to advocate for you when it matters. Build that, and your network won’t just respond; it will work for you, even when you’re not in the room.

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