The Importance of Verbalizing Appreciation: How and When to Say ‘Thanks’

In our professional lives, sharing appreciation is one of the most overlooked, and easiest, tasks to complete. When someone shares appreciation for someone else or their actions, several things happen:

• The recipient feels seen and valued.
• The recipient is encouraged to do more of what was appreciated.
• The giver of the appreciation feels a lift from making someone else happy.
• Both the giver and the recipient can strengthen trust and credibility through the act of offering and then receiving positive recognition.

Pretty basic, right? Then why are we so stingy with our appreciation?

Why Show Appreciation When Life Is Uncertain

When life gets busy, times are uncertain and stress is the norm, the last thing that might be on your mind is thanking or expressing gratitude for someone else.

“They should know I value them,” I often hear. “If I wasn’t happy with their work product/friendship/sense of humor/generosity, I would tell them.”

But is that enough? Is it adequate to assume that no news is good news, and if those around you are doing fine, you are relieved from having to verbalize your appreciation?

During uncertain times — such as when exiting the military and launching a new career and life in the private sector — the focus is typically inward: What do I need? What can I offer? How will I provide for my family? What kind of life do I want? And so on.

It could be argued that, during this inward facing time in particular, the need to watch for and acknowledge the contributions, efforts and generosity of others is more important than ever. Turning your focus completely on yourself and your needs can lead to feelings of isolation, despair, frustration and loneliness whereas focusing and appreciating others leads to more positive, hopeful and optimistic feelings.

How to Verbalize Appreciation

Let’s say you have a colleague at work who does something unexpected and kind for you. Maybe they bring you a cup of coffee before the meeting starts, ask how your son’s soccer game went or stay late to help you on a project. These aren’t grand gestures, but they are acts of kindness that might warrant more than a simple “thanks” to show appreciation.

You could say, “You know, as busy as we get sometimes, I want you to know that I really appreciate your thoughtfulness in bringing me coffee this morning (or asking about your son or staying late). You didn’t need to do that, and I really appreciate it. Thank you.”

Those few extra words turn a simple note of acknowledgment into an act of appreciation.

Tips to Ensure Appreciation Is Well-Received

1. Know the place and time for appreciation.

If you thank your colleague in front of their peers in a large meeting, it could send the impression you’re singling out your “favorites” in the group. 

At the same time, by using a group situation to point out how a colleague went above and beyond to help you finish a project, it can highlight their commitment to important initiatives. Consider the place and time before offering the appreciation. 

2. Keep it succinct and sincere. 
When a message of appreciation drones on and on, it can backfire. Instead of recognizing a kind act, it can appear you are trying to ingratiate yourself with someone or even mocking their kindness. Be thoughtful, focused and succinct.

3. Consider a reciprocal gesture or gift.

For a colleague who spends their own time helping you with your project, a small token of appreciation can be appropriate. Consider a gift card to a local coffee place or restaurant, tickets to a sporting event or a book if you know their favorite genre. Avoid items that are overly personal or expensive. The thought matters more than the cost.

Similarly, you could offer to help them with something they’re working to reciprocate for their generosity. Is there a project they need help with? Would they enjoy some mentoring? 

In the past, appreciation was an art form. People penned long form letters to detail their expressions of gratitude. Today, we’ve become used to receiving a quick “thx” text or direct message instead of truly letting others know how much their thoughtfulness means to us. Taking a few extra moments to acknowledge someone else’s gesture, comments or action lifts their mood, and likely yours as well.

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