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I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people say this about a stranger, “they looked so nice” or “I bet they don’t have a mean bone in their body.” When I hear things like that, I ask them, “how can you tell?” They usually answer with “they are handsome, nice smile, dressed to the “T”, have a child with them, well groomed” and the like. I simply nod and ask the same question again “but, how can you say that they mean you no harm just by looking at them (but with a bit more umph on HOW).” That really gets them thinking.
Did you know that bad guys can dress nicely or poorly? They can appear charming or aggressive. They can surround themselves with children to appear approachable. They can smile at you with beautiful white teeth or have poor hygiene. To make a blanket statement like “they looked harmless” can get you in trouble.
Remember the saying “actions speak louder than words?” Well, since appearances can be deceiving, let’s focus on a few characteristics of a threat.
I think that the definition of the word “threat” is very hostile. It means “a statement of an intention to inflict pain, injury, damage, or other evil action on someone in retribution for something done or not done. A threat is an impending danger that has the potential to cause serious harm—it just hasn’t done so yet.”
There are four types of threats: direct, indirect, veiled and conditional.
- A direct threat is straightforward, has a focused target and is obvious in intent. It can mean considerable harm to our health and safety and cannot be swayed by reasonable means.
- An indirect threat is more vague, confusing and more difficult to see the motivation. It is unclear words and gestures.
- A veiled threat is implying consequences without specifics. It hides meaning and intent. A veiled threat is verbal.
- A conditional threat is also verbal. This threat is dependent on the victims’ actions or inactions. Basically, if their demands are not met then harm may come to you.
Scenario:
You have been shopping at the mall for the last two hours and you are feeling pretty darn proud of yourself because the last few people on your gift list have been completed. You are walking to your car, and you see a nice-looking man in an arm sling struggling to put some packages in the trunk of his car.
You are just about to pass him when he looks up and smiles. You notice that he has beautiful teeth and is wearing a red sweater vest to match the festive season.
He asks if you could help him, points to his arm sling and smiles again. He jokes about “buying gifts that are too big to get in his car one-handed” and points to the sling again.
Your intuition is screaming at you, “this is a threat and to avoid”. You make some distance, tell him that you can’t help him, and quickly move to your car.
What “threats” could happen next?
- Conditional Threat: He stops what he is doing and yells “if you keep walking away, I will only chase you down”
- Veiled Threat: He stops what he is doing and yells “it would be a shame if something happened to that nice face of yours.”
- Indirect Threat: He stops what he is doing, makes two fists, waves his arms aggressively and says, “you better run”.
- Direct Threat: He stops what he is doing, brandishes a knife and starts running toward you.
When it comes to threats, 1 and 2 are the winners. Have POM pepper spray in your hand, move quickly and efficiently to your car or back into the mall (whichever is closer) and get to safety. Call 911.
Make note that in 3 he makes fists and moves his arms aggressively. What happened to that injured arm in the sling?
When it comes to 4, if you don’t have a plan already in place, you may end up a victim.
Is there a way to avoid 1, 2, 3 and 4? Maybe. Try this:
- Walk through the mall doors looking near to far, walk with confidence and with purpose. Your pepper spray is in your pocket.
- You see the guy putting packages in his car and you notice the sling. He is attractive, healthy-looking and seems like no threat, but you still avoid him by walking on the other side of the lane.
- He stops what he is doing and asks for help. You pre-deploy your POM pepper spray, make eye contact, continue past him and say that you are unable to help. You do not stop or even slow down.
- When he asks again, you ignore and quickly keep moving while keeping an eye on him.
I can’t say for sure that he won’t follow you but the steps above certainly do not make you look like a vulnerable target.
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14 Comments
I appreciate how the author uses a real-life scenario to illustrate the concept of a veiled threat, making it easier to understand and relate to the idea.
The author’s point about appearances being deceiving is well-taken, as they mention that bad guys can dress nicely or poorly, and it’s the actions that speak louder than words that truly matter.
The conditional threat example, where the man says ‘if you keep walking away, I will only chase you down’, is chilling, and it highlights the importance of being aware of one’s surroundings and potential threats.
The definition of a threat as ‘a statement of an intention to inflict pain, injury, damage, or other evil action on someone’ is quite broad, and I wonder how one can distinguish between a genuine threat and a harmless statement.
I think the key is to consider the context and the person’s actions, as the author mentions that a direct threat is straightforward and has a focused target.
The scenario with the man in the arm sling struggling to put packages in his car trunk is a great example of how a veiled threat can be disguised as a harmless request for help.
The phrase ‘actions speak louder than words’ is particularly relevant in this context, as it highlights the importance of paying attention to what someone does rather than just what they say.
I’m curious about the four types of threats mentioned, specifically the indirect threat, which is more vague and confusing, and how one can identify such a threat in a real-life scenario.
I think the key to identifying an indirect threat is to pay attention to unclear words and gestures, and trust your intuition if something feels off.
The author’s emphasis on focusing on characteristics of a threat rather than relying on appearances is a valuable lesson, especially in today’s world where threats can come in many forms.
The fact that there are four types of threats – direct, indirect, veiled, and conditional – suggests that being aware of these different types can help individuals better prepare for and respond to potential threats.
I’m skeptical about the idea that one can always identify a threat based on appearances or behavior, as there may be cases where the threat is not immediately apparent.
I’ve had experiences where my intuition has screamed at me to avoid a situation, similar to the scenario described, and I’ve learned to trust my instincts and make distance when necessary.
The concept of a conditional threat, where harm is dependent on the victim’s actions or inactions, is disturbing, and it’s essential to be aware of such threats to avoid potential harm.