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The house decorations go up. The holiday meal gets planned. The traditions continue. But the table has an empty chair.
For military families with a service member deployed during the holidays, every festive moment carries weight. What brings joy to most families can amplify loneliness when someone you love is half a world away. The challenge isn’t just missing them. It’s figuring out how to celebrate when your family isn’t whole.
The Weight of Separation
Deployment always strains families, but holidays intensify everything. While neighbors gather for celebrations, military spouses manage households alone. Children try to understand why Mom or Dad can’t be there for Christmas morning. Extended family asks questions that hurt to answer.
The financial pressure compounds the emotional toll. Military families often operate on tight budgets, and deployment doesn’t change the cost of gifts, meals or travel to see relatives. Many families struggle to afford holiday celebrations even with both parents present. Deployment can make it impossible.
Social isolation hits hard. When everyone else’s family seems complete, the empty chair at your table feels more prominent. Friends and neighbors mean well, but they don’t always understand what it’s like to celebrate major holidays while worried about someone far away.
Finding Connection Across Distance
Technology helps, when it works. Video calls let families see each other, though connection quality varies wildly depending on where the service member is stationed. Military OneSource recommends setting realistic expectations about communication before deployment hits. Can you schedule regular calls? Will internet access be reliable? Knowing the limitations ahead of time prevents disappointment.
Care packages maintain the connection. Sending holiday cards, cookies, small gifts or just letters keeps deployed service members tied to home. The items matter less than the gesture. Receiving something from home during the holidays reminds them they haven’t been forgotten.
Virtual celebrations work better than expected. Families schedule video calls to open presents together, share meals across time zones or just talk while the deployed parent watches kids play with new toys. It’s not the same as being there, but it beats silence.
Traditions That Hold Families Together
Maintaining family traditions during deployment gives children stability when everything feels uncertain. Some families keep every tradition exactly the same. Others adapt them to fit the deployment reality.
The deployment Christmas tree tradition dates back to Vietnam. Families hang a special ornament for their deployed service member, often placing it prominently or letting children decorate it. Some families leave presents under the tree unopened until everyone can be together.
Countdown calendars help children visualize when their parent will return. Advent calendars work double duty during December deployments, marking both the approach of Christmas and the days until homecoming.
New traditions emerge from deployment. Families create rituals around sending care packages, recording video messages or celebrating holidays a second time when the deployed parent returns. These become the stories kids remember.
Help Available for Families
Organizations across the country provide holiday support specifically for military families. Operation Homefront has distributed holiday meal kits to more than 825,000 family members since 2010. The kits include everything needed for a traditional holiday meal, removing financial stress during an already difficult time.
Trees for Troops delivers free Christmas trees to military bases across the United States and overseas. Soldiers’ Angels Adopt-A-Family matches families with sponsors who provide gifts for children and grocery gift cards for holiday meals.
Military OneSource offers free confidential counseling for families dealing with deployment stress. Their deployment checklists help families organize everything from legal documents to family care plans. The service connects families to resources before problems become crises.
Installation family support centers provide local assistance. Chaplains, family readiness groups, and Morale, Welfare and Recreation offices all offer holiday programs. Many installations host community events where deployed families can connect with others going through the same experience.
Support for Those Deployed
Service members deployed during the holidays face their own struggles. They’re separated from family while maintaining operational readiness in dangerous or difficult conditions. Holiday celebrations on deployment often feel hollow.
Organizations send care packages specifically to deployed troops during the holidays. Operation Gratitude, Support Our Troops, and others ship packages filled with snacks, personal items and reminders that people back home remember them. These small gestures matter when you’re spending Christmas in a combat zone.
Getting Through Together
Deployment during the holidays doesn’t get easier with experience. Each separation brings its own challenges. But families develop resilience. They learn what works for their specific situation and lean on their support networks.
The empty chair at the table represents sacrifice that extends beyond the deployed service member. It’s the whole family serving. The resources exist to help lighten that burden. No military family should hesitate to use them.
If you’re a military family facing holiday deployment, reach out. The military community understands in ways civilian friends often can’t. And next year, when everyone is together, the celebration will mean even more.
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19 Comments
It’s heartbreaking to think that children have to try to understand why Mom or Dad can’t be there for Christmas morning, and the extended family’s questions can be really hurtful to answer.
The deployment Christmas tree tradition, which dates back to Vietnam, is a touching way for families to feel connected to their deployed service member, especially when they hang a special ornament for them.
I’ve heard that some families also leave presents under the tree unopened until everyone can be together, which must be a wonderful way to reunite during the holidays.
Virtual celebrations, such as scheduling video calls to open presents together or share meals across time zones, can help make the distance feel less overwhelming, even if it’s not the same as being there.
The article mentions that many families struggle to afford holiday celebrations even with both parents present, and deployment can make it impossible, which highlights the need for greater support for military families during the holidays.
I’m skeptical about the effectiveness of virtual celebrations in replacing the real thing, but I can see how it would be better than nothing, and it’s worth exploring ways to make it feel more meaningful and engaging for everyone involved.
I appreciate how the article acknowledges the weight of separation on military families during the holidays, and how it’s not just about missing the deployed service member, but also about figuring out how to celebrate when the family isn’t whole.
The article highlights the importance of technology in helping families stay connected during deployment, but it’s also important to acknowledge the limitations and potential frustrations of relying on video calls and internet access.
The article emphasizes the importance of maintaining family traditions during deployment, and I think it’s also important to create new traditions that incorporate the deployed service member, even if they’re not physically present.
The financial pressure on military families during deployment is overwhelming, as they have to manage tight budgets while still trying to afford gifts, meals, and travel to see relatives.
It’s interesting to note that the deployment Christmas tree tradition has been around since Vietnam, and it’s a testament to the resilience and resourcefulness of military families in finding ways to stay connected despite the distance.
The use of video calls to schedule virtual celebrations is a great way to make the deployed service member feel included, and it’s wonderful that some families make it a point to watch their kids play with new toys together over video call.
Maintaining family traditions during deployment is crucial for giving children stability when everything feels uncertain, and it’s interesting that some families keep every tradition exactly the same while others adapt them.
The emotional toll of deployment on military families is significant, and it’s not just the separation that’s challenging, but also the feeling of social isolation when everyone else’s family seems complete.
I’m curious to know more about how Military OneSource helps families set realistic expectations about communication before deployment, and what kind of support they offer to prevent disappointment.
From what I know, they provide guidance on scheduling regular calls and understanding internet access limitations, which can be really helpful in managing expectations.
I think it’s essential to recognize the sacrifices that military families make, especially during the holidays, and to offer them support and understanding, rather than just sympathy or pity.
Countdown calendars can be a helpful tool for children to visualize when their parent will return, and using advent calendars during December deployments is a great way to mark both the approach of Christmas and the days until their parent comes home.
Care packages are a thoughtful way to show deployed service members they haven’t been forgotten, and it’s the gesture that matters, not the price or value of the items being sent.